From Stimulus to Response: Building Emotional Intelligence in Coaches and Athletes.

George Mumford has led a truly remarkable life.

His college roomate was Dr. J, he rose to the top of his profession in finance while combating a heroin addiction. He then turned to mindfulness and meditation to help fight addiction, and his life changed. He has spent the last 40 years teaching meditation and helping athletes and teams. He joined the Bulls as part of Phil Jackson's staff and continued working with Phil with the Lakers. He helped build dynasties.

He has written two wonderful books: Unlocked: Embrace Greatness and Find your Flow, and The Mindful Athlete, both of which are well worth a read. He also runs a study group that explores his philosophy and teaches meditation, which has changed my relationship with meditation.

One of his favourite sayings is that choice and power lie in the space between stimulus and response.

We can all exhibit real power when we exercise restraint and choose an appropriate response to the inevitable challenges that arise in our games and more importantly in our lives.

Essentially, Dr. Mumford is encouraging us all to control our emotions, allowing us to choose a response to difficult situations instead of simply responding.

This is no simple task.

This is a high-level example of an emotional intelligence component. Self-awareness is one of the four pillars of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It is not a “soft skill" it impacts high-pressure outcomes, forms team culture, nurtures resilience, and predicts long‐term performance.

Here are the four key pillars of emotional intelligence, according to the work of Travis Bradberry. I provide some examples of how arguably the best coach in NBA history used EQ, and offer some concrete exercises you can use to build EQ in your athletes. As well as providing an EQ Self-Assessments for you to utilize with your athletes.

The Four Pillars of Emotional Intelligence

Most EQ models define roughly the same core elements. For clarity, let’s adopt a version with these four pillars:

1. Self-Awareness – recognizing one’s own emotions, understanding how they affect thoughts and behaviour; knowing one’s triggers, strengths, limits.
2. Self-Regulation – being able to manage or moderate one’s emotional responses (including impulses, stress, frustration), recovering from setbacks, and remaining composed under pressure.
3. Empathy / Social Awareness – being attuned to others’ emotional states; reading non-verbal cues; understanding different perspectives; being responsive to teammates, opponents, and coaches.
4. Relationship Management / Social Skills – communicating, resolving conflict, inspiring, building trust, collaborating, influencing in positive ways.

These pillars often overlap (e.g. you need self-awareness to regulate, empathy underlies good relationships), but treating them as distinct helps design drills, feedback, and reflection.

How Coach Pop Used Emotional Intelligence

To see how this works at the highest levels, here is how Coach Popovich emphasized emotional intelligence as a core part of his philosophy.

He was also a master of exploring the space between stimulus and response.

1. Self-Awareness: Knowing Who You Are as a Leader

Popovich had an unshakable sense of who he was as a coach and as a human being.

He was clear on his values: accountability, honesty, respect, and collective success. Because he knew what he stood for, his decisions, whether tactical or relational, were consistent and transparent.

Example:

• He often said, “It’s not about me, it’s about the group.” That humility and self-awareness shaped his leadership style, he knew his role was to develop people, not just win games.
• Former players like Tim Duncan and Manu Ginóbili have said Popovich knew exactly when to challenge them and when to back off, in part, because he had enough self-awareness to recognize his own emotions before projecting them onto others.

Takeaway for coaches: Self-awareness allows you to separate your emotions from your athletes’ performance. You can’t regulate or lead effectively if you don’t first understand what’s going on inside you.

2. Self-Regulation: Staying Grounded Under Pressure

Popovich was fiery, but the fire always had a purpose.

He was noted for passionate sideline interactions, yet he seldom lost emotional control in ways that damaged relationships. His intensity comes from intentionality, not reactivity.

Example:

• During tough playoff losses, Popovich maintained emotional balance in press conferences. He held players accountable but never threw them under the bus publicly.
• After difficult games or playoffs series, he modelsed composure and perspective: “You win, you lose, it’s all part of life. The key is to keep growing together.”

That ability to stay steady under chaos builds trust. Players feel secure knowing their leader won’t implode when things go wrong.

Takeaway for coaches: Self-regulation isn’t suppressing emotion — it’s channeling it. Popovich models intensity without volatility, showing athletes how to perform with passion but not panic.

3. Social Awareness: Deep Empathy and Human Connection

Popovich’s social awareness might be his defining trait.

He cares deeply about people, and his empathy extends far beyond basketball. He’s famous for team dinners, conversations about life, politics, history, and family, because he saw his athletes as humans first, players second.

Examples:

• Popovich invited players to dinner on the road, not to talk basketball, but to talk life. He spent hours learning about players’ families, cultures, and passions.
• He regularly connected with players in their own languages, he learned bits of Spanish, French, Italian, and Serbian to better communicate with his diverse rosters.
• When players struggle personally (injury, family issues, loss), Popovich reaches out privately. Many former Spurs describe receiving late-night calls or notes simply saying, “I’m thinking of you. How are you doing?”

Takeaway for coaches: Empathy is performance fuel. When athletes feel seen, understood, and valued beyond sport, they give more of themselves in competition.

4. Relationship Management: Building Trust and Accountability

Popovich’s teams were defined by trust, communication, and selflessness.

He didn't build compliance; he built commitment. His relationship management skills were legendary: he held people accountable while making them feel respected and supported. To me this should be the goal of every coach.

Examples:

• Popovich established a culture where even stars were coached hard, and accepted it because they knew it came from a place of love. He once said, “I’ll tell you the truth, even when you don’t like it, because I respect you enough to be honest.”
• He built relationships that last for decades. Many former Spurs, Duncan, Parker, Ginóbili, and others,stay in touch with him long after retirement. That’s rare in pro sport.
• When Kawhi Leonard was emerging as a star, Popovich adapted his coaching style, becoming less controlling and more collaborative. That adaptability is pure EQ: understanding when your old communication style no longer fits a new person or era.

Takeaway for coaches: Relationship management is about earning the right to challenge. Popovich built emotional credit through trust, empathy, and consistency, so when he pushed players, they knew it came from belief, not ego.

Popovich’s Core EQ Philosophy: “It’s About People”

Popovich has said:

That statement sums up his emotional intelligence perfectly. He coaches the person first, the player second — and the results speak for themselves:

• 5 NBA Championships
• Decades of playoff appearances
• A culture of loyalty, humility, and excellence that has outlasted eras, egos, and superstars.

EQ Lessons Coaches Can Learn from Popovich

• Be curious about your athletes as humans.​
  Ask about their lives, families, values. Real connection fuels buy-in.
• Balance truth with care.​
  Give direct feedback, but always from a place of respect.
• Stay emotionally grounded.​
  Athletes mirror your emotional state. Model composure under stress.
• Build belonging.​
  Create rituals (meals, conversations, shared challenges) that make athletes feel part of something bigger.

Lead with consistency.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a one-time talk — it’s how you show up every day.

Exercises Coaches Can Use to Build EQ in Athletes

Here are practical exercises & routines to build each pillar. These can be adapted to your sport, age group, and culture.

Self-Awareness

• Emotion-tracking journals: Athletes log emotions before, during, after training / matches; note triggers (e.g. referee call, teammate error, pressure). Reflect on patterns.
• Feedback & reflection after performance: Video + emotional debrief “When did I feel confident? When did I feel doubt or fear? What thoughts were running then?”
• Pause & name it: Teach athletes to pause during drills / matches and label what they’re feeling (“frustrated, excited, nervous”).

At the end of practice, set aside 5-10 minutes. Use prompts like: “What were three emotional high points, three low points today?” Over time, reduce coach input so athletes lead.

Self-Regulation

• Breathing / reset routines: For example, before free throws, penalty kicks, half time have a consistent mental or physical reset to calm breathing and focus.
• “Pause before response” drill: In simulated stressful situations (bad calls, aggressive opponent), stop play, have athlete reflect how they want to respond vs how they instinctively would. Role play correct response.
• Visualization of adversity: Rehearse mental scenarios—e.g. you are behind, crowd is hostile, referee error and imagine reacting well.Build into warm-ups or mental sessions. Use consistent cues (e.g. a word, a gesture) to trigger reset behaviour. Over time, athletes internalize.

Empathy / Social Awareness

• Perspective-taking role play: Athletes take on roles (teammate, opponent, coach) to understand different emotional experiences.
• Team check-ins: Regularly ask not just “how are you physically” but “how are you feeling emotionally vs stress / off field?” Use scales or metaphors.
• Non-verbal awareness drills: While watching video of matches, or even observing each other in drills, pause and decode expressions, body language. “What emotion do you think that player was feeling? Why?”Could be once per week; rotate who leads. Keep safe space—empathy can feel vulnerable. Emphasize listening skills (no judgment).

Relationship Management / Social Skills

• Peer feedback sessions: Teach athletes to provide and receive feedback—both what they saw, what effect it had, how they felt.
• Conflict-resolution role plays: Simulate conflicts (e.g. teammate misses, blames others) and work through communication strategies.
• Team rituals to build connection: Sharing stories, recognizing contributions, small acts of gratitude.
• Leadership rotation: Give different athletes responsibility (e.g. leading warm-ups, organizing drills), so they practice influencing, communicating, and managing social dynamics.

These need to be carefully modulated with trust. Use small groups first. Reinforce what works well. Rotate leadership so different personalities get growth.

Putting It All Together: Sample Weekly EQ Plan

Here’s how a coach might embed all four pillars in a weekly training cycle:

• Monday: Reflection session post‐weekend game/tournament. Athletes journal (self-awareness), share one thing that frustrated them and why. Coach leads group discussion emphasizing empathy / reading teammates.
• Wednesday: Practice includes “reset” routines built into high intensity drills. E.g. after a turnover, a player must pause, take breath, then execute. Also include perspective role plays (social awareness).
• Friday: Peer feedback + leadership rotation. Athletes pair up to observe each other, deliver two positive, one constructive observation (relationship management).
• Before match: Visualization of adversity, breathing cue, reminder of team values (motivation, social awareness).
• Post match: Emotional check-in: “What were highs and lows emotionally?” What caused them, how did I respond? What would I do differently?

Challenges & Tips for Coaches

• Vulnerability vs Culture: Some athletes or coaches see emotional work as “weak.” Leaders must model emotionally intelligent behaviour themselves: admit when wrong, show emotions appropriately. This helps normalize it.
• Consistency is key: Doing one off session isn’t enough. EQ grows slowly, through small repeated practices.
• Tailor to your team/sport: What works for individual sports (e.g. track, tennis) differs somewhat from team sports. The social dynamics, frequency of contact, and pressure points differ.
• Respect privacy and boundaries: Emotional work can surface personal issues. Coaches need awareness (or access) to mental health support if needed.
• Measure & reflect: Use simple metrics (surveys, check-ins, perhaps formal EQ instruments) to track changes. This helps refine what works for your team.

The best coaches in high performance sport today are not just technical tacticians—they are emotional architects. They build environments where athletes know themselves, can regulate under pressure, understand and connect with others, and lead within the group. These are the margins that win championships or foster sustainable high performance with wellbeing.

For coaches looking to elevate their impact, investing in the emotional side is not optional—it’s foundational. Begin with small steps, model what you hope to encourage, embed practices that touch each of the four pillars, and be patient: what seems soft at first can become the strongest part of your team.

An EQ Self-Assement Tool for You

I have developed a self-assessment tool that scores you and your athletes in the four pillars of EQ

You can download it here:

An Opportunity for Mentorship

After 23 seasons as a head coach, I am taking a year off from coaching. While I need a break from the grind, I don't want to walk away from the game completely.

I am opening up four slots for coaching mentorship beacause every coach needs a coach.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you, send me an email to jasonpayne@evolutionmpc.com

How can I help you on your coaching journey?

Let's work together.

I help coaches thrive.

I would love to help you or your team build a competitive advantage. Here are a few ways I can help:

• Consult with your team or coaching staff
• Teach mental skills to your team via Zoom
• Work 1 on 1 with coaches
• Work 1 on 1 with athletes

Shoot me an email at jasonpayne@evolutionmpc.com, I love to talk coaching and see how I can help you.

Coaching is hard, let's make it easier.

Check out my website at http://jasonpayne.ca

Thanks for reading and have a great week.