The Story Athletes Tell Themselves: Coaching Confidence by Embracing the Hero's Story

Issue 139- Jason Payne CMPC

I have been a fan of Survivor since the show debuted in 2000. I never miss an episode.

The social and psychological experiment that unfolds each week is always entertaining. It has kept my attention for 25 years. Season 50 wrapped up this week, and it was a fun season with twists and turns.

During the finale, Christian, a member of the jury, made a comment that I thought really applied to sports and coaching.

I immediately connected with this. Sure, what we see on Survivor is the story that producers and directors choose to show us. And that footage shapes the story we see. But at Tribal Council, contestants get the opportunity to tell us the version of the story they are living. Sometimes those stories are aligned, other times they are at odds.

In reality, this is what happens for all of us every day, except instead of producers and directors deciding what our story is, our self-talk does. In our lives, sports included, we seldom get to choose the events that happen to us. We always get to choose how we respond to them. Choosing our response gives us power and shapes the outcome.

But what is the story that is being told? Do our athletes give themselves the hero's arc, or are they the victims?

A hero’s arc in any great story is never smooth. The hero struggles, doubts themselves, gets knocked down, fails publicly, and faces moments where quitting would be easier. That’s what actually makes the audience connect to them. Nobody watches a movie about someone who dominates effortlessly from beginning to end.

I sometimes wonder if this is why, after an amazing playing career, making a significant impact in his community, and maintaining a sterling reputation, people still don't connect with LeBron. The perception is that the journey has been too smooth.

We connect to heroes because they face adversity and keep moving forward anyway. Sport works the same way. Confidence isn’t built through avoiding failure; it’s built through learning that failure is survivable, workable, and often part of growth. When athletes understand that setbacks are not the end of the story but part of the story, they stop seeing hard moments as proof they don’t belong and start seeing them as chapters in their development.

We often think about self-talk as the phrases athletes say to themselves after mistakes or before big moments. “Next play.” “Stay composed.” “I’ve got this.” Those things matter. But they’re really just the surface. Underneath those phrases is a deeper narrative that athletes are constantly building about themselves and their relationship with sport & life.

Learning to recognize which story your athletes are living in, and helping them reshape it, might be one of the most important things we do as coaches.

This isn’t just motivational talk either. Research in sport psychology consistently shows that self-talk impacts performance. Studies on self-talk interventions have found improvements in focus, confidence, emotional regulation, and execution under pressure. Instructional self-talk (“eyes up,” “strong base,” “finish through contact”) helps direct attention. Motivational self-talk (“stay with it,” “you’re ready,” “keep competing”) helps athletes regulate effort and emotion.

But here’s the part I think we sometimes miss:

The phrases only work if the story underneath supports them.

You can teach an athlete to say all the right things, but if deep down they believe adversity means they’re incapable, unlucky, or broken, the words won’t hold up under pressure. The narrative underneath eventually wins.

The victim's story sounds like this:

“The refs screwed us.”
“I always choke.”
“Nothing ever goes my way.”
“I’m just not confident.”

In this story, sport happens to the athlete. Setbacks become proof. Mistakes become identity. One bad performance suddenly means “this is who I am.”

The hero story sounds different.

“I lost my composure there.”
“I need to adjust.”
“That didn’t go well, but I can learn from it.”
“I’m not there yet.”

The hero story doesn’t ignore failure. Heroes fail constantly. They get knocked down all the time. The difference is that they still see themselves as the person holding the pen.

That distinction matters.

Because the story athletes tell themselves shapes everything: how they respond to mistakes, how they train, how long they remain resilient in the face of adversity, and whether they continue to grow or slowly start protecting themselves from failure.

As coaches, you can hear these stories if you listen carefully to the language.

Victim language is usually passive, fixed, and absolute:
“This always happens.”
“I can’t.”
“It’s pointless.”
“I’m just bad at this.”

Hero language keeps agency:
“I rushed that.”
“I need to settle down.”
“I haven’t figured this out yet.”

That word “yet” matters more than people realize. It turns a permanent identity statement into a temporary challenge.

One of the biggest things we can do as coaches is help athletes resize the moment.

An athlete says:
“I always fall apart in big games.”

Instead of arguing or giving a motivational speech, we can help narrow the frame:
“You struggled in this game. What specifically happened in the third quarter?”

Now the mistake becomes a moment instead of an identity.

We can also help athletes reconnect with action.

After mistakes, the most powerful question is often:
“What’s your next move?”

Not because it ignores emotion, but because action restores agency.

Even something simple like:
“Get your feet set.”
“Take one breath.”
“Next possession.”

serve as reminders for athletes they still have influence over what happens next.

And honestly, I think coaches teach these stories whether we realize it or not.

If WE constantly blame officials, circumstances, parents, or bad luck, athletes absorb that lens. But when we consistently bring the focus back to response, adjustment, preparation, and growth, we model a different way of interpreting adversity.

That doesn’t mean pretending everything is positive.

Real confidence isn’t denial.

Sometimes the loss hurts. Sometimes the injury changes things. Sometimes the mistake is painful and public. Athletes know when coaches are trying to put a motivational poster over reality.

The goal isn’t fake positivity. Our bodies know the difference, when you try and convince it everything is ok and it isn't, we start to shut down.

The goal is to help athletes understand:
This is hard… and you still get to choose your response.

Long after athletes forget the plays, drills, or speeches, they’ll remember the story they learned to tell themselves when things went wrong.

And in many ways, that story becomes part of who they are far beyond sport and becomes a powerful legacy from their time playing for you.

What more can a coach ask?

​
🎧 The Ultimate List of Coaching Podcasts

For years, I kept a list of my favourite coaching podcasts. Somewhere along the line, I stopped updating it. But I took some time and added to it. Over 160 hours of top-notch professional development for free.

One of the simplest ways to sharpen your thinking, broaden your perspective, and stay connected to the best ideas in leadership and performance is by listening to podcasts. They give you access to world-class coaches, sports scientists, and leadership minds, often during the time you were already going to spend driving, walking, or working out.

Over the years, podcasts have become part of my own development rhythm. Some challenge my assumptions. Some give practical tools I can use the next day. And some simply remind me that the best coaches are lifelong learners.

That’s why I’ve put together The Ultimate List of Coaching Podcasts. It's a curated collection designed to help you:

✅ Build stronger culture
✅ Improve how you teach and communicate
✅ Deepen your mental performance toolbox
✅ Stay current with modern player development
✅ Grow your leadership from the inside out

Whether you’re a veteran coach or just getting started, there is something in here that will stretch your thinking.

👉 Dive into the list and pick one new voice to learn from this week.

The Ultimate List of Coaching Podcasts

Because the best coaches don't stay static…

They keep evolving.

Are you or your athletes struggling to be their best?

Let's find a solution together.

I help coaches thrive.

As a Certified Mental Performance Consultant and a basketball coach with 25 years of experience, I understand the barriers to peak performance for both you and your athletes.

I would love to help you or your team build a competitive advantage. Here are a few ways I can help:

• Consult with your team or coaching staff
• Teach mental skills to your team via Zoom
• Work 1-on-1 with coaches
• Work 1 on 1 with athletes

Book a Free Discovery Call

If you’re feeling the weight of expectations, pressure, or burnout, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

A discovery call is simply a chance to talk through your season, your goals, and your process with another coach who’s been there. No pitch. No obligation. Just a meaningful conversation.

Schedule a discovery call here.

Book A Free Discovery Call

Shoot me an email at jasonpayne@evolutionmpc.com. I love talking about coaching and seeing how I can help you.

Coaching is hard; let's make it easier.

Check out my website at http://jasonpayne.ca​

Thanks for reading, and have a great week.